Having your own boundaries with physical touch is normal—and encouraged. Everyone is comfortable with different levels of different things, and that is okay. Maybe you love to give hugs to everyone, but your best friend only hugs someone after she’s known them for years. Maybe you hate being touched by strangers (a tap on the shoulder, someone grabbing something out of your hair) but don’t mind your friends doing the same thing. Or maybe you’re totally fine with all types of physical contact. These are just a few examples of the many different physical touch preferences that exist.
But what if you hate physical touch so much that it makes your skin crawl? What if a simple tap on the shoulder creates feelings of intense anxiety to the point where you feel unable to focus on anything besides what just happened to you. This is called touch aversion. Touch aversion, also called being touch-averse, refers to when someone intensely dislikes or even fears physical contact.
If you’re touch-averse, it’s natural to wonder what the underlying cause might be—especially if you feel that your discomfort is interfering with your life or relationships. If you’re becoming distressed over your aversion, or if it is starting to affect your mental health, it might be time to seek answers.
There are many factors that cause touch aversion, from mental illness, to cultural differences, to phobias. We spoke with two NOCD clinicians, Dr. Mia Nuñez, licensed clinical psychologist and Director of Clinical Integrity, and Dr. Patrick McGrath, Chief Clinical Officer, to understand some of the reasons that you might feel so averse to being touched, as well as what you can do to get help.
If touch aversion is impacting your mental health, we can help
Why do I hate being touched?
Touch is an important means of communication between humans, and it can often be a source of comfort and bonding. However, not everyone likes to be touched. In fact, many people may feel intensely uncomfortable or anxious in response to any physical contact or even proximity.
Dr. McGrath explains that there are several reasons why people might dislike being touched. For some neurodivergent people, touch can feel overwhelming and uncomfortable. Those with social anxiety may fear any kind of interaction, including physical contact, which can heighten their anxiety. Additionally, those who are particularly sensitive to germs may find touch distressing, as they worry about the spread of illness. For people with a history of trauma, being touched can trigger painful memories or flashbacks, making even casual contact a potential source of distress.
Here are some more specific examples of reasons people might be averse to physical contact:
PTSD
Touch aversion is commonly seen in people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) related to traumatic interactions with others. PTSD is a mental health condition that shows up after someone goes through or witnesses something traumatic. It’s not just about bad memories—PTSD can involve intense flashbacks, nightmares, and feelings of being “on edge” all the time.
“If somebody’s been assaulted in some way or harmed by another person, then being touched could bring up reminders of that event and cause severe distress,” explains Dr. Nuñez. Trauma and not wanting to be touched can go hand-in-hand. If someone has experienced physical or emotional trauma, even a friendly touch can trigger distressing memories or flashbacks, making them avoid physical contact altogether.
Anxiety
A fear or dislike of touch can also sometimes be linked to anxiety. In particular, people with social anxiety may have a hard time being around others and being touched by them. This is because physical contact often involves a level of intimacy or vulnerability that can trigger feelings of discomfort, fear of judgment, or embarrassment—common symptoms of social anxiety.
For some, it’s less about the touch itself and more about the fear of being perceived in a certain way during or after the interaction. Anxiety can also amplify sensitivity to stimuli, making touch feel more intense or uncomfortable. In other cases, individuals may associate touch with a loss of control, adding to the overall anxiety they’re already experiencing in social settings.
Haphephobia
Haphephobia is an extreme, irrational fear of being touched by another person. Phobias can sometimes manifest as a result of trauma or bad experiences, though there may also be other factors like genetics that play a role in their development. Some people with phobias experience physical symptoms like panic attacks and hyperventilation upon being subjected to their fears.
Body dysmorphia
It’s fairly common for people with body dysmorphia or body image issues to not enjoy being touched by other people. “If you’re unhappy or even ashamed about the size or shape of your body, you might not want people touching you,” Dr. Nunez explains.
For individuals with body dysmorphia, physical touch can intensify feelings of vulnerability, often making them hyper-aware of how their body is perceived, which only deepens their discomfort.
Cultural differences
Another explanation to touch aversion can be your background, how you were raised, and how your boundaries were formed in response. For example, someone who was raised in a very “hands-off” family that didn’t often hug or express their emotions through touch might feel uncomfortable around someone who grew up with hugging and other friendly touching among their family and friend groups.
Additionally, some cultures tend to be much touchier than others, which can contribute to discomfort in cross-cultural interactions. This point was highlighted by psychologist Sidney Jourard in the 1960s. Jourard observed friends in coffee shops throughout the world to see how often they used friendly touch during their conversations. While watching Americans, he saw that friends only touched about twice during their conversation. But in France, friends touched each other up to 110 times an hour, and in Puerto Rico, the number shot up to a whopping 180 times.
Someone who grew up in a family or culture that does not frequently use touch as a regular means of communication might be thrown off by people who are physically expressive.
OCD and fear of touch
Another reason people might experience touch aversion is if they live with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). OCD is a serious and often debilitating mental health disorder. Someone with OCD will have obsessions, or persistent intrusive, distressing thoughts and feelings. To cope with the extreme distress that these obsessions bring about, they turn to compulsions—ritualistic, often repetitive actions or mental behaviors that are meant to alleviate that extreme anxiety and/or prevent something unwanted from happening.
There are countless different subtypes of OCD extending far beyond the well-known themes of cleanliness, symmetry, and perfectionism, each centering on different subjects that bring fear and anxiety. As it turns out, the fear of touch can be linked to several different subtypes of OCD. Here is how touch aversion can play out in some of those forms.
Contamination OCD
People with contamination OCD have obsessive thoughts and fears related to health anxiety. This can commonly manifest in an extreme fear of touching or being touched by other people to prevent becoming “dirty” or receiving and spreading germs.
In addition to extreme concerns about transferring germs, these fears often involve an element of emotional contamination that can make someone with OCD afraid of physical contact. Dr. Nuñez explains, “People can become concerned that if somebody touches them, they’re going to absorb traits from that person.”
Relationship OCD
People with relationship OCD can have obsessions and compulsions that are centered around their relationships with their partners and other loved ones. Some of those fears and doubts can involve touch. When one partner does not like physical touch and the other does, it can create challenges in intimacy and connection. Understanding why you or your partner might be uncomfortable with touch is key to fostering better communication and empathy in the relationships.
Dr. Nuñez explains that a common example of why somebody in a relationship might be touch-averse is because they are fearful of acting inappropriately or disrespectfully. “If someone else touches them, they might think: ‘Is this cheating? Or could it be construed that way?’” They might therefore avoid touch with other people altogether, even when it comes to innocent interactions among friends or family members.
Harm OCD
Harm OCD is a subtype of obsessive compulsive disorder focused on fears about being harmed, or harming yourself or others. Dr. McGrath explains, “People with harm OCD are not more likely to harm themselves or others than anyone else. Rather, they view their intrusive and unwanted thoughts as an indication of a desire to act,” he says. “This fuels their anxiety and drives them to engage in compulsions aimed at eliminating this fear.”
In terms of touch aversion, people with harm OCD might constantly keep their hands in their pockets out of fear of accidentally touching and hurting someone. Dr McGrath provides common examples: “What if I touched you with my nail and I scratched you and then that caused a lesion? What if what if I’m close enough to you and I touch you and I push you and then you fall and you hit your head?” These intrusive thoughts can result in a compulsion to avoid touching anyone.
ERP therapy
Even though touch can be a normal form of communication in daily life, for anyone experiencing the OCD subtypes mentioned above, touching or being touched can be extremely overwhelming.
Seeking the help of a licensed therapist is the best way to manage and alleviate symptoms of OCD, including touch aversion. The gold standard treatment for all subtypes of obsessive compulsive disorder is called exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy. ERP involves working with a therapist who gradually exposes you to your fears, obsessions, and thoughts and safely guides you to resist the urge to respond to the resulting distress through compulsions that only provide temporary relief. Instead, you will learn to sit with the discomfort and create healthier coping mechanisms than do not involve repetitive actions.
If someone with OCD has touch aversion, ERP would involve getting them to be more comfortable with touch. Dr. Nuñez explains, “If someone’s ultimate goal is to comfortably give someone a whole bear hug, ERP might start first with handshakes or touching other things that people have touched, even if you’re not touching that person.”
The response prevention component is to recognize and resist the urge to respond to the fear of touch with compulsions. “This might look like not washing your hands in the case of contamination OCD, or not confessing to your partner that you hugged somebody in the case of relationship OCD,” explains Dr. Nuñez.
If you think your fear of being touched is related to OCD, we can help
How touch can impact your wellbeing
Although there are many valid reasons for avoiding touch (personal preferences, cultural differences, past trauma), it’s important to remember that excessively avoiding touch can start to negatively impact other areas of your life.
Physical touch can facilitate emotional connection, bonding, and even stress relief. If you withdraw from touch completely, you might find it difficult to maintain close relationships and start to experience feelings of isolation. Let’s look deeper into a few ways that physical touch can affect your wellbeing.
1. Touch is essential for early development
The benefits of touch begin almost from the moment that you are born. Skin-to-skin contact between a newborn and their parents in the first hour of life promotes breastfeeding and helps the infant go through their first instinctive stages like crying after birth, relaxing, resting, and crawling. It’s also thought to increase oxytocin levels in the mother, which can help with those crucial first moments of bonding.
2. Lack of touch can affect bonding
Human touch helps stimulate the release of oxytocin, a neurochemical that is thought to be responsible for bonding between humans. Additionally, research has shown certain types of physical touch can be calming, which can promote one’s ability to respond to stress. This means that a total lack of physical contact can sometimes make it harder to connect with your loved ones. For example, one study found that social anxiety and an aversion to touch affected both friendships and romantic relationships.
3. Touch deprivation can increase anxiety and loneliness
A total lack of touch can impact your mental health and well-being. In a 2021 study that evaluated the effects of social touch deprivation during COVID-19 social restrictions, researchers here found that intimate touch deprivation was associated with both higher anxiety and greater reports of loneliness.
4. Touch aversion can create internal conflict
It’s important to recognize that not everyone’s aversion to physical contact aligns with their actual desires or intentions. Someone might value and yearn for touch, only to face feelings of disgust or fears about contamination when they find themselves in those situations. This can create a frustrating and demoralizing barrier between themselves and others, leading the individual to feel as if they’re being led against their will by their fears and emotions.
How to overcome your aversion to touch
No one should ever feel obligated to be touched by someone, and having boundaries certainly isn’t a bad thing. However, if you feel that your aversion is affecting your mental health and/or your relationships with others, and if you want to find ways to overcome it, there are definitely things that you can do.
The fear of being touched can come from several different places—if you aren’t sure where exactly yours stems from, talking with a licensed professional can help you untangle your beliefs and attitudes toward touch.