You’ve probably encountered this trend before: people looking delighted or conspiratorial, either on social media or in real life, as they show off spur-of-the-moment haircuts and describe impulsive decisions. They lean in close like they’re revealing a punchline or sharing a juicy secret as they say, “I let the intrusive thoughts win.”
Every couple of years, some version of this trend resurfaces. People detail a hasty decision or instance of poor impulse control—often one with benign or even enjoyable consequences—as though it’s an expression of an “intrusive thought.” But as people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) know all too well, this trend doesn’t actually describe the true experience of intrusive thoughts, which are one of the most upsetting parts of OCD.
For people with OCD, the “I let my intrusive thoughts win” trend can fuel anxiety for a few reasons. First, it can make it seem like most intrusive thoughts are fun, or at least benign, which can feel deeply stigmatizing for those with disturbing and scary intrusive thoughts. More importantly, perhaps, this trend can also make it seem like it’s common to act on intrusive thoughts, making you fear that the frightening scenarios depicted in your own intrusive thoughts may also come to pass.
What are intrusive thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts pop into a person’s mind involuntarily and are typically of an odd, undesirable nature. For many people with OCD, intrusive thoughts are as common as they are disturbing and scary. Their specifics can vary, depending on the theme or subtype of a person’s OCD, but they are often frightening or unsettling and can include taboo, violent, or sexual thoughts that can focus on things that matter most to an individual—such as loved ones, animals, or children. Intrusive thoughts tend to be deeply distressing to the person experiencing them because they do not line up with something the person would enjoy doing. They don’t want to “let the thought win” because it’s unwanted. Hence the word: intrusive.
“You pushed someone in front of the train and stabbed your baby? Those kinds of thoughts won, is what you’re telling me?” asks Alegra Kastens, MA, LMFT, in a video about the trend. “Because those are examples of actual intrusive thoughts.”
A vital difference between the impulses that are inaccurately described as “intrusive thoughts” in social media trends and the intrusive thoughts experienced by people with OCD is that the latter are ego dystonic. That means they oppose your true values, desires, beliefs, and sense of self, confronting you with ideas and urges most likely to upset you. Their shocking nature can make you feel guilty, even though the reality is that intrusive thoughts do not reflect anything about who you are, nor are they indicative of what your future actions will be.
As opposed to “letting the intrusive thoughts win,” people with OCD feel the urge to perform repetitive mental or physical compulsions to prevent their unwanted thoughts from coming true and assuage uncomfortable emotions—like anxiety and guilt—that the thoughts bring on.
For example, a mom with pedophilia OCD (POCD)—a subset of OCD characterized by intrusive, unwanted sexual thoughts and images about children—may compulsively avoid her kids, making her partner bathe them, change diapers, and do anything that requires physical contact. She is so disturbed by the unwanted thoughts, and is pathologically doubting what she knows—that she is not attracted to her children and would never want to harm them—that she performs compulsive rituals to prevent a dreaded outcome.
Similarly, someone with harm OCD, a subset of OCD characterized by intrusive, unwanted violent thoughts and images, may compulsively avoid using knives and sharp objects because they fear they might suddenly snap and stab someone. Though they have no desire to hurt someone else, and never have in the past, they believe that they must perform compulsions to keep others safe. They may constantly seek reassurance that they haven’t actually harmed anybody. They do not want their intrusive thoughts to win. It’s quite the opposite.
Though intrusive thoughts are common for people with OCD, research shows that almost 94% of people, including those with and without OCD, experience intrusive thoughts from time to time. But when intrusive thoughts occur frequently, cause significant distress, lead you to irrationally doubt what you know, feel “sticky” and are difficult to let go of, and kick off the OCD cycle, they are likely a sign of OCD.
People with OCD do not enjoy their intrusive thoughts and do not want to act on them. Simply put, someone who made a hasty decision without thinking it through may have acted impulsively. But if the thought wasn’t scary and upsetting, and if they did in fact act on it, then it wasn’t an intrusive thought.
Why does this misunderstanding matter?
Because intrusive thoughts are so frightening, the idea of them being realized is usually a nightmare for the person experiencing them. In general, people with OCD do not act on their intrusive thoughts, but when everyone on social media is bragging that they let their intrusive thoughts win, this can start to feel like a serious and scary possibility.
Mischaracterizing intrusive thoughts, when the thoughts that you’re experiencing are really just ideas you enjoy, and saying you acted on them puts those who experience unwanted intrusive thoughts at risk of further stigmatization and shame—like a new mom with unwanted intrusive thoughts about harming her baby. People with scary intrusive thoughts (like the mom of the newborn) are already often terrified of disclosing their intrusive thoughts because they do not want people to think they want to carry them out.
Pop culture narratives have the ability to shape our understanding of all kinds of things, including mental and physical health—and pop culture often mischaracterizes OCD. Whether it’s being played for laughs in a show like Monk, used as a murderer’s motivation in a film like Trap, or mischaracterized on social media, OCD is rarely shown in an accurate light. Lack of access to accurate information can worsen the confusion, anxiety, and fear that come along with OCD symptoms. If you don’t know how intrusive thoughts present for people with OCD, you may go longer without seeking effective help.
Fortunately, effective help does exist. Exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, guided by a specialized provider, is the most effective treatment for OCD. ERP works by gradually and strategically exposing you to situations that trigger your obsessions, so that you can build up your ability to acknowledge them, tolerate them, and let them pass without relying on compulsions. When you experience intrusive thoughts, you will learn tools to help you manage them differently: without resistance and without compulsive rituals. Over time, this can lessen the frequency and intensity of your intrusive thoughts.
Evidence-based treatment for OCD can help you recognize that your intrusive thoughts do not define you. And the next time you see someone describing their hasty decision-making as “letting an intrusive thought win” on social media, you can wish them good luck growing out their bangs and scroll on by.
If you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts and other OCD symptoms, NOCD can help. Our licensed therapists are non-judgmental and deeply understand all subtypes of OCD—including the hardest-to-talk-about themes—and they’re specialty-trained in treating OCD with ERP. They’ll work with you to create a treatment plan personalized to your unique needs and help you regain your life from OCD. You can book a free 15-minute call with our team to learn more about getting started with OCD treatment.
